


Stalking is Love

by TheseusInTheMaze



Category: That Guy with the Glasses/Channel Awesome
Genre: F/F, Public Sex, Stalking, Threesome - F/F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-07-12
Updated: 2011-07-12
Packaged: 2017-10-21 08:02:24
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,958
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/222871
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheseusInTheMaze/pseuds/TheseusInTheMaze
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Diamanda tries that trick she saw in "Raspberry Reich" again.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Stalking is Love

**Author's Note:**

> Yes. This fic. The one Hagan made the video of. http://blip.tv/diamanda-hagan-lecher-bitch/aleister-reads-stalking-is-love-the-hagan-porno-sd-version-4628858

So remember that trick Diamanda tried in her Raspberry Reich review, where she followed that good lookin’ girl? Alright, so the girl who pushed her down the stairs might not have been in the right frame of mind for the gloriousness that is Diamanda, but as soon as she saw the Nostalgia Chick standing next to the Nostalgia Critic - well, no, standing not standing next to him, standing over him, what with her having just chloroformed him - Diamanda knew that she and the Chick would be absolutely perfect for each other! The Chick chloroformed people, Diamanda shot them, both of them reviewed shitty media. A match made in heaven, right?

Of course, Diamanda also knew to proceed with caution. Everyone who was anyone knew that it was best to proceed with caution, when it came to the Chick. Chloroform induced naptimes were usually not that much fun, especially when staying in a hotel in the middle of Chicago on Obscurus Lupa’s good word alone and surrounded by TGWTG, in a sort of test run. Also, the Chick was known to hold a grudge and pay it back in creative ways that one probably didn‘t want to think about. But it was a trope that worked in fiction, and sometimes fiction echoed real life, right? Or maybe she had been distracted by the glorious sight of Marzgurl in a low cut top and the Nostalgia Chick with her boot on the back of the Critic’s neck.

So she followed the Chick around the hotel, making sure to stay just out of sight. It worked pretty well the majority of the evening - the Chick played DDR, Diamanda shot zombies, the Chick ate dinner with Marzgurl and That Chick with the Goggles, Diamanda had a drink at the bar. It was only when she followed after her on the empty stairwell (upon reflection, that was a bad idea, considering what happened the last time she propositioned someone and stairs were involved) that the Chick seemed to catch on.

“Y’know I can see you, right? That makeup of yours practically glows in the dark.” The Chick leaned against the wall of the landing between the fifth and sixth floor, smirking somewhat. Well, the Chick was always smirking, wasn’t she? Snarkiness was part of the Chick’s charm. That, and her… assets. Round, firm assets…..

“You’re also staring at my tits.” The Chick snapped her fingers in front of Diamanda’s face. “My eyes are up here.”

Diamanda cleared her throat, somewhat unnerved. The Nostalgia Chick’s bluntness was quite different from the usual cowering Minions.

“Oh, I get it.” The Chick nodded sagely. “Yeah, I saw your Raspberry Reich review. So it’s like that, right?” She leaned back against the wall, spreading her arms open and arching her back. “Alright. It worked. So we fuck now, right?”

Diamanda opened her mouth. Diamanda closed her mouth. Then she shrugged and stepped closer to the Chick, until they were almost touching. “So… you want me to fuck you?”

“No duh,” the Chick said. “Or do I have to get a flashing neon sign that says “Diamanda Hagan, please fuck me”?”

“No, that’s not necessary,” Diamanda said, putting her hands on the Chick’s shoulders.

“Very good,” the Chick said, and stood on tiptoe, kissing Diamanda on the mouth and threading her fingers through her hair.

Diamanda kissed her back, noting in the back of her mind that her makeup was smearing on the Chick’s face. The Chick was a good kisser, and her tricky fingers were clever as they threaded through Diamanda’s hair, her tongue stroking against Diamanda’s.

When they broke for air, the Chick was smirking, looking far too smug for someone with smudged clown makeup on her face. Far too sexy, too. Maybe it was the way her eyes went half mast and her lower lip was sticking out in such a way that it took a lot of effort not to lean forward and kiss her again right then and there.

“So… aren’t you going to ravish me?” The Chick tugged gently on Diamanda’s hair. “After all, you’ve been following me around all night.”

“Shouldn’t we find a more private place?” It would be awkward if they got caught. Very awkward. Diamanda had already been reprimanded for shooting one of her Minions in the foot for dropping her luggage.

The Chick pouted harder. “Where’s the fun in that?” She wrapped her fingers around her neck, gently, and traced her collarbone with one finger. “Don’t you want me?”

“Of course I want you,” Diamanda said defensively. “But we’re in the middle of a rather drafty stairwell and I would figure that you’d prefer I ravish you someplace where you can lie down and not get walked in on by unsuspecting horny dudes whilst I send you into paroxysms of ecstasy.”

“You really think you’d send me into paroxysms of ecstasy? Overestimating your own talents a bit, aren’t you?” The Nostalgia Chick waggled her eyebrows, or at least tried to. It wasn’t easy to pull off.

“You’re trying to annoy me into fucking you, aren’t you?” Diamanda pressed her forehead against the Chick’s, smearing more makeup on her face and not caring.

“Yep.” The Chick rocked her hips forward, grinding against Diamanda. “I’d say you’d best hurry it up, before some drooling fanboys come along.”

Diamanda rolled her eyes and kissed the Chick, mainly to shut her up. She let go of the Chick’s shoulders, roughly grabbing her breast through the thin fabric of her shirt and kneading it. “You’re a real brat, y’know that?” She mumbled against the Chick’s mouth, tugging the shorter woman’s nipple between two fingers and sliding her hand down the Chick’s belly.

“Critic’s worse,” the Chick said, smirking up at Diamanda through her lashes.

“Yes, but I don’t have my hand down the front of his trousers, now do I?” Diamanda tweaked the Chick’s nipple, scrabbling at the button of the Chick’s jeans.

“You don’t have your hand down the front of my….” The Chick trailed off, squeezing her eyes shut and arching her back when Diamanda thumbed her clit.

“You shouldn’t speak preemptively, dear,” Diamanda said, her voice sticky-sweet and syrupy.

The Chick grabbed a big handful of Diamanda’s hair, twisting it around her fist and tugging on it. “Fuck,” she managed to gasp out, her hips rocking forward each time Diamanda applied pressure to her clit.

“It’s what I’m doing,” Diamanda said sweetly. “I’d go down on ya, but I don’t think you want makeup all over your trousers. Bad enough you’ve got it all over your face.” She stroked the Chick, gently. “You’re soaking wet, you are. What brought that on, hm? I know a bit of kissin’ is always nice, but it doesn’t leave you this wet.”

“B-been thinking about… about you watching me,” the Chick panted, the hand not fisted in Diamanda’s hair yanking at her shirt, more to do something with her hand than anything else.

“Ooh, so you liked me watching you. You naughty girl.” Diamanda wriggled her hand into the Chick’s knickers and thumbed her clit directly, sliding two fingers into her. “You weren’t kidding - your sopping wet.”

“You… talk too much,” the Chick mumbled, pulling Diamanda in for another kiss, whimpering against the other woman’s mouth every time Diamanda thrust into her, becoming more high pitched when those fingers curled, pressing right… there.

“You’re one to talk,” Diamanda said amicably. “Usually, when I’m in the throes of passion, I’m less with the witty banter, more with the fucking.” She was having entirely too much fun with this. The Chick always seemed to be having fun. It was part of her appeal.

“What can I say?” The Chick rolled her hips, forcing Diamanda’s finger further into her and biting her lip, no doubt at the onslaught of sensation. She was starting to sweat, making the bits of makeup smudged across her face run ever so slightly. Diamanda could feel her own makeup starting to run, her hair sticking to her face.

“Oh, many things. For example,” Diamanda twisted her fingers inside of the Chick, making her yip like a puppy, “you could say “Oh my god Diamanda, you’re so fuckin’ amazing, you’re going to make me cum”, or “holy shit Diamanda, how can you do that thing with your fingers?”.” Another twist, and she smirked at the way the Chick went rigid. “Or y’could just moan a lot and leave claw marks on my shoulders. That works, too.”

“You’re… a smart ass,” the Chick gasped, yanking Diamanda’s hair, digging her fingers into Diamanda’s shoulders. No claw marks as of yet (Diamanda’s shirt was in the way), but she was doing her damnedest to leave her mark.

“I like yours better,” Diamanda said, letting go of the Chick’s breast to grab her arse and pull her closer, kissing her again and doing something with her fingers that made the Chick’s knees buckle and her back arch.

Diamanda held the Chick as she shook and shuddered, watching the Chick’s face as she came. She only withdrew her fingers when the Chick went slack, making a big show of bringing them up to her mouth and licking them clean.

The Chick rolled her eyes, nudging Diamanda half heartedly with her foot. “You win. Your technique works.”

“I knew it would work,” Diamanda said, helping the Chick rebutton her pants. “Why don’t you and me find someplace more private?”

“But if you find somewhere private, it wouldn’t give me a chance to serendipitously walk in on the two of you and coincidentally be perfectly up to a three way!”

Diamanda looked over her shoulder, well aware of her disheveled appearance and the rather incriminating position she was in. Except the person behind her was Marzgurl, and that was… oh boy.

“It’s… not what it looks like,” Diamanda tried, well aware of how stupid that sounded.

“Yes it is,” the Nostalgia Chick said, gingerly feeling her face. “What took you so long?”

“I had to shake off a fanboy,” Marzgurl said. “Didja start without me?”

“Y’snooze, y’lose,” the Chick said, standing up straight and dusting her arse off.

“Excuse me, what?” Diamanda blinked, trying to think through the fog of arousal that was making it hard to string two words together.

“We sorta-kinda planned this,” Marzgurl said, draping her arms across Diamanda’s shoulders, smearing makeup on her own cheek. “Only not exactly.”

“How do you not exactly plan something?” Diamanda blinked, still trying to think straight.

“Why don’t you ask me that later?” Marzgurl leaned down and kissed Diamanda, smudging more makeup. “’cause, I mean, we can stand around here and talk, or we can go to your room and fuck like weasels.” She traced the line of Diamanda’s throat with the tip of her finger, making her shiver.

“So… just to get this clear… you were stalking me while I was stalking her?” She shook her head to clear it, then began to laugh. “Y’know, if this was a movie, I’d be yelling at the screen,” she told the both of them, still snickering.

“Reaility is unrealistic,” the Chick said lazily, kissing Diamanda chastely on the mouth.

“If we’re talking tropes, I’d say this is more a case of a “Xanatos Gambit“, personally,” Marzgurl said, reaching forward and playing with the Chick’s hair.

“You’re both wrong,” Diamanda said, smirking like a cat. “This is obviously a shining example of “Stalking is Love”. Lust. Whatever.”

The Nostalgia Chick and Marzgurl rolled their eyes in unison. Then Marzgurl wrapped an arm around Diamanda’s shoulders and began to steer her towards the next floor.

Diamanda grinned in spite of herself as she felt the Chick absently grab hold of her hand. So some things could be learned from those Godawful movies!


End file.
